Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
