right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
