you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
