I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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