do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
