People in love make me want to vomit
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
