The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
