I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
