Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
