I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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