shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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