Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's blow job season.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
