So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he fucked my hip out of place.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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