lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
