We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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