Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
