i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
