I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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