SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
