I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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