And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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