Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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