i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
