why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
