Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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