I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
