It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
