I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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