Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
