I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
