Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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