then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
