Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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