my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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