do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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