he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
