i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
