I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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