Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
