My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
