Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
