Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
