he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
