Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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