Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
