im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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