I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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