Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
