Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My vagina is very pro this idea
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
