do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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