you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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