never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
